short blip

I just went in and added three dif blogs below from various dates in May. Some may repeat each other a little. I haven't been inspired to write and I'm getting so accustomed to being here that I have really slowed down on picture taking...I'll try to do better about that.
I didn't include a few things like the fact that I did go out on May 10th to a cinco de mayo belated party. I drank frozen margaritas, tequila shots, and cold corona...it was a fun crazy night to say the least...the next day I was hungover and another TA came back form break and gave me 4 mini Snickers bars....so life is good here in Southern Sudan.

I'll post some pics soon when I get them uploaded. I have been pretty busy and the internet has been pretty slow...

Im extremely behind in emails and I owe some of you guys emails from months and months ago....I'm truly sorry about that... I just have sat down to write and nothing comes to mind except the same old boringness and I don't like boringness so I will try to catch up on emails soon.

Back in the 'city'

I just got back from another field trip this morning. It was a really really good one too. I went to Kuse which is my most endemic area (where we had 33 cases last month) and each of these cases had multiple worms so I am talking 100+ worms coming out of people’s bodies…

A guy who has been promoted recently as my boss’s counterpart and therefore also my boss went out with me and he stayed for two nights. When I got back today I had an email from my big boss telling me that he heard I was kicking ass in Kuse. Whew! That meant a lot to me. I’m very nervous about doing well here. It means the world to me that I do well and it is a job where there are always way more things to do than you can possibly ever do so you have to make good decisions and plan and prioritize, all the while being patient and also super flexible because nothing ever goes as planned….well it may go…but not in the way you planned it. Anyway, when I first got here I didn’t ever have another TA go out and show me the ropes so I have had questions about what to do and if I am doing what I should be etc. etc. Especially in Kuse where in April it had more cases than any other place in the whole program. So if I were to mess up there…then that’d be really obvious next year when not only do they have more cases…but their cases spread to the other areas…

I also found out today that a documentary group will be coming in June and a former CNN reporter is coming along and my area is one of the areas that gets to meet with them…so that should be neat. I hope I get to be on a guinea worm documentary…that’d be so crazy! 

Anyway….I haven’t written much cool stuff in a while because I have been pretty busy and because my head is full of work and so I haven’t been inspired to say anything interesting and/or funny. I’m still kind of not really wanting to write but I figured I should… Just because I am getting used to living in Sudan doesn’t mean I should stop writing about the stuff that is going on….I will want to look back at this when I am old and crippled and even unable to go to the bathroom by myself….maybe by then someone will have to read it to me….so just in case I do get that old and I am looking a this or someone reads it to me let me tell myself something, “Hi old Tara! Your biggest fear in life was always getting old and here you are. Look at yourself…all wrinkled and creepylike. Is it as bad as you thought it would be? Are you happy with what you did in your life? Remember the first time you got to fly an airplane? Remember when you jumped out of one (maybe many times even by now?) Remember when you almost died in the hot air balloon? Remember the first time you flew to Sudan and somewhere over the Great Rift Valley in Kenya you teared up because you realized you made one of your biggest dreams ever come true and remember about 45 minutes later when you were looking out the window as you were landing in Sudan and you thought “Holy shit what the hell am I getting myself into?” and almost had a panic attack? Hee hee…that took one strong internal conversation to get over. Remember how much you loved it though? Remember when you road a camel on the shore of the Indian ocean after wanting to for so many years? Remember when you turned 25 and went out with your friends with wigs on and partied like there was no tomorrow? Remember the first time you put on scuba gear and breathed under water? Remember when you grew West Nile Virus for the first time? Remember when you first walked onto the CDC campus after all of those years as a kid dreaming of being a scientist? Remember those cold Newcastles and how good they felt going down? Remember when you FINALLY graduated from UGA? Remember the day you realized that you had been achieving things you had wanted to achieve and realized that as long as you wanted to do something you could do it? Remember all those cute boys you kissed! You were kind of a slag. Well old creepy wrinkled Tara….I hope that being old isn’t so bad since you have so many memories to think of and enjoy. Maybe you even have a little family of your own that consists of two legged creatures and not just of dogs, cats, and hamsters. Well..even if you didn’t get a little family of your own I think that you probably have some pretty awesome old creepylike friends that you prob sit around and drink with and talk about all the crazy days. Maybe the world isn’t too shitty now….but even if it is I’m sure you are with people who can see the beauty in anything….that is what was always the best about the people you were close to and love(d) so much….they could see past the materialism…past the despair…they could see the good and help perpetuate it in your life and the lives of others…and I think you did the same….so old creepy Tara I hope you are smiling….if you ever get this message you should def get a Newcastle and drink it in honor of the young (still somewhat creepy) Tara. Much love Old lady. Oh and if you have an old creepy husband or some old creepy dude on the side go give him a kiss for old times sake!”

OK… back to my blog….sorry but I have never thought about writing myself in the future and I figured it’d be a nice thing to do…

So Anyway…. Things here are pretty normal. (I can’t believe I just called anything about this place ‘normal.’) I was out in the field since Saturday and I got to ride the motorbike a lot. The only other two times I really drove it was for practice on a road and in a big circle…but in the field I was driving on little foot paths through woods and fields and sand and super bumpy paths…it was really fun! I am getting really good…I realized the key to being good at it is not fearing it. The sand is scary thought because you lose control….and then I forgot how to slow down (forgot where the break was) and while I was trying to remember I was going kind of fast and got off the path and was dodging bushes and trees but then I remembered the break was by my right foot so I was able to stop. Then another time my field officer was ahead of me and turned at the last minute and I suck at turning and so I ended up sliding to a stop and then the bike kind of fell over and it is super heavy and I was really weak and my leg was stuck under it while I waited for him to notice and stop and come back to help. But I was ok and laughed about all of it. I think the community thinks I’m nuts because they witnessed most all of these things and the numerous times I stalled out.

Let’s see…the village volunteer with the 2 monkeys has let one die due to hunger. Sucks... but I call the guy ‘monkey’ now in Arabic or Mundari…I never know which language is which so I speak a mixture of both…which works since most people in my state know both.
Some girls named me Yike. Which sounds like Yeekay. It means first born or something….not so unique of a name here but I like the fact that it is spelled like “Yikes” minus the ‘s.’

Yesterday I watched a man beat his wife with a stick. She also had a stick and their little kid was running around crying…he may have had a stick as well….it seems everyone in the situation had a stick….and there was another guy who seemed to be trying to resolve the situation….it was happening at a household away from the one I was at so I don’t know what was really going on. I figured I’d stay outta that one.

I really don’t have anything else to say. I’m getting accustomed to being dirty and smelly. Today I got back from the field and was chatting online and a caterpillar fell from my hair on a little web that it had spun…this happened around the same time I was debating if it was me or the bed sheets that was stinky….I determined it was probably me if I had worms falling from my hair.

I think I will be in Sudan working on my birthday…which is kind of crappy. I typically spend no less than a whole week celebrating my birthday….but it is either go out alone or wait a week or two later and go out with some of the other TAs. I am pretty sure we have decided on Zanzibar. Spending a night in Stone Town and then spending some time on some of the islands going diving and just taking it easy. I definitely want to hit up a movie theater or bowling alley or something sort of normal.

I’m super behind on my emails….like several months … so … please don’t take it personally.

Ok so fighting has started to take place a little more in Abyei. This is an area that isn’t technically Northern or Southern Sudan and it is an oil rich area and there have been tensions for some time….and the last few days have lead to killings and the displacement of thousands of people. This is far from me so it is not an immediate danger to me at all however it is worrisome because everyone is concerned it may break the CPA and cause the country to go back into war which has been ceased since 2005….so Sudan in a war between the North and South means what to our programme?? This is something I don’t know and wouldn’t know because there isn’t an answer unless it actually happens and our directors have to make decisions. I will say this…if the program still functions but outside of the country like before the war ended then I will still stay here and work. If the program pulls out completely I will be more upset than I can possibly explain. I realized two days ago that I am no longer thinking of “how long am I going to stay here.” I am settled in and accepting this as my life. I’m going to stay here like it is my life and then one day when I decide I’m done I will go home….or if we eradicate the worm I will obviously go home. It’s weird how I can find such peace within myself in a place like this.

super rambler

I was up super late last night and as always up at sunrise…
I fired a guy yesterday. It sucks because he was a good one and had potential but started working other jobs and not being honest and then slacking on his guinea worm job. It’s weird to not take things too personally here. Like I tried to give this guy so many chances but he just didn’t take the bait so …. When it all boils down to it…. my job is simple….the goal is simple….guinea worm eradication…. You gotta do what you gotta do to accomplish this goal and if people aren’t working then you aren’t accomplishing anything and the program suffers. So he is dead to me. Ha ha kidding…but he is fired and it sucks because I liked the guy and always said he was one of the better field officers.

I have hired a really good guy to replace the first guy I fired but he currently has typhoid so I am hoping he gets better soon.

I am trying to get out into the field because I REALLY need to go to my most endemic area but yesterday around 6pm I found out that today is a really huge holiday for Southern Sudan and I literally ran after my driver as he was walking home and offered him overtime if he’d take me to the field today but he said no… so I am stuck here which is total BS to be honest.

So Linus got super sick the other day. I got back from the field and couldn’t check my gmail so I sent my mom an instant message to tell her I was back safely and she said “you haven’t read my email?” I knew right then that something was wrong. Turns out Linus had been up throwing up with an upset stomach and it was all bloody. He had hemoralicgastritis or something crazy sounding like that so he had to spend two nights at the vet hooked up to IVs. Talk about a worried mom….I have been worried about that lil guy. I know he is upset all by himself. The vet said he will be ok and able to be picked up today so my mom is going to pick him up and be extra nice to him. One of my biggest fears is that something will happen to him or Floyd while I am here….

So Jessica is here for a few days and we are going on break together. We are supposed to work on planning it today. We have to decide on which tropical island we want to go to. Decisions decisions…. We may go late June, after my birthday which kinda sucks but I’d rather go on break with someone than be out on break alone just to be out of Sudan on my birthday. I’m up for break at the end of May….but I think it will be no prob if I wait till the end of June. I will appreciate it even more then…plus with the rains I can’t move much then anyway so it’ll be easy to leave without feeling I am missing too much work. I know it sounds backwards but I do feel weird not being here and knowing there is work to do…even when I was in the States…I kind of knew how much I’d have to do when I came back so I thought about work a lot. We work 7 days a week….they all blend together really. Sometimes I can’t even figure out what day of the week it is without asking someone. I like that though. Time is irrelevant. I never believed in that shit anyway. I hate numbers and time is a bunch of numbers…useless to me. I mean think about … or not…
I’m brain dead really and just avoiding work since I worked a good 14 hours yesterday. The nice part was we got a lil group together and drank boxed red wine and listened to the Beatles last night. It was really nice too…we laughed a lot. It is nice to laugh and just relax here. I find myself able to do so more and more which personally I take as a good sign.

All of the old TAs are heading back home over the next couple of months and then I will be part of the older TAs. That is weird to think about because I still feel so new…like there is still SOOOO much to learn over here.
If I am stuck here another night I think we are going out to dinner somewhere in town. But I’d rather go to the field than go to dinner.

I had a conversation with my mom the other day that went kinda like this.
Me: “I have been out abating all morning walking around in ponds and mud and swamps”
Mom: “you need to be careful of snakes, aren’t there poisonous snakes in Sudan?”
Me: “Yeah cobras and also we saw some scorpions…”
Mom: “What other kinds of animals that can kill you?”
Me: “Hippos and Hyenas..”
Mom: “WHAT!? THEY HAVE THOSE THERE?”
Me: (I’m not sure if I said this or thought it in my head) “everything in Sudan can kill you.”
Heh but whatever I’m ok with the natural things…it’s the unnatural things that make me nervous but even so…you can’t be scared. You can’t come here and be afraid of everything…you can be cautious…but no afraid.
I have been going to one of my places and having the truck drop me off and I was recently told it’s best I keep the truck with me or something like a motorbike or even a bicycle…just in case. Nice eh? Honestly though I think my area is prob one of the most secure because it’s pretty much all one tribe and most of the fighting in other areas are tribal clashes about cows and such. Steffen, the Canadian TA I went on winter break with, sent this link recently that goes into super good depth on the issues in Sudan…from Darfur outwards…for anyone who is seriously interested in the politics and problems here you should check it out. I know for me it explained a lot of things. http://www.foreignaffairs.org/20080501faessay87306/andrew-s-natsios/beyond-darfur.html
Today is the 25th Anniversary of the SPLM or SPLA. We were told that people shoot their guns in the air a lot in the morning on this day which I was kind of excited about since we are right beside the SPLA headquarters but I haven’t heard any gunshots. I have heard trucks full of soldiers going by singing their songs which is kind of cool.
Things in Abyei seem to be always in turmoil but the news makes it seem like we are on the brink of going back into war….that the CPA is being threatened. This would super suck. I don’t think it will happen because I see myself working here for the long haul…but honestly I don’t know what would happen to the program if the war started again. I sincerely hope that it wouldn’t have to stop. Maybe we would have to pull out of our bases inside the country and work from the outside like before the war….but whatever…I don’t think it’ll happen…
What I was initially trying to get at is how much aware of the rest of the world I have become. I hear about the American economy and things like that but like if you go to BBC and look at Africa and Asia and then look at Americas you’re like “eh?” Or watching the news on tv....channels from outside of America talk about the whole world….big issues…then go to CNN and you can find Paris Hilton launching her new perfume. And this gets me to this….I am noticing more and more how materialistic people are…I know I have become less materialistic by being here without ‘things.’ However, I don’t think I was that materialistic to begin with. I don’t even think people realize how petty and shallow they are. I’m not placing judgment so much as just saying this is how people are brought up and raised….I dunno…I see it and I see the petty things people get hung up on (and I am not above this) and I just am so … just “wow” if only people as a whole knew….were able to open our eyes and realize…. See outside of ourselves and material things…and see the great big IS-NESS. I really don’t know what I am trying to get at….
Part of me being a girl who likes nice things and part of me being a girl living in a place like this and really adapting well to the lifestyle. Being an American and doing something instead of bitching about it….yet seeing things go down like in Asia right now and wishing I could do more yet confused because there are so many levels of everything all around us that what you see might not be what is and what you think could be completely different depending on what side you view it from.
I mean what do we REALLY know except what is now and what is now? If you think about that too long you know you don’t even know that….so the only thing we know is that we don’t know. Then it all turns inside outwards and begins again.
But honestly it doesn’t matter as long as you take what it appears you have and do what you can and be happy and make other people happy…which can be a small as a compliment at the check out line to brighten someone’s day. I chose this what I am doing now because it was what I was supposed to do….but I don’t think something like this is needed to make a big difference…I think small things can make just as big of a difference and even bigger in many cases….but it takes action on the behalf of people and it takes people thinking outside of their “me me me” mind frame.

This blog has gotten completely ridiculous. It has been an ongoing entertainment throughout my work day. Small little breaks here and there...which is why it has been all over the place.

I like it here. Somehow I have found happiness amidst everything I have seen here and despite my ability to find happiness in my comfortable fun life in America. Why couldn’t I do this there? Too many distractions? Material things? Boys?….well boys will always be a source of distraction for me…but no more will they be a source of such sadness as I allowed in the past. I think though it’s from just knowing that here, this is what I have and this is what I am supposed to do. This is what I wanted for so long…and this is what I am accomplishing on so many levels.
---11:33pm I went out to this sketchy lil Chinese restaurant I have always wondered about….went with Jessica and Alex and we ate so much and it was so good! We were sitting there and there was this fantastic loud noise…like a helo was going to land in the road….turns out it was a huge ass army tank. No biggie right? I was trying to be ‘whatever’ about it but I have never seen a tank driving around especially at night time through the middle of Juba….then the Arabs at the table next to us were getting really antsy and weird and I was like “should I be afraid right now?” Needless to say I was secretly freaking out on the inside…but I was with Jessica and Alex and they were whatever about it so I tried to be as well…. I hafta say though… mighta been the most freaked out I’ve been here. On the way home we passed huge army trucks carrying more tanks…
Welcome to Sudan.
Right?

Anyway
Tanks or no tanks…I’m utterly exhausted…done…I hope to goodness I get outta here and get into the field tomorrow.

Day after Day the Sun

Happy Mother Ocean Day...
I have no physical ocean here but I do have beautiful skies.
Enjoy

Sunset



Sunrise

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo!!!
The closest thing I have gotten to a margarita is some mango juice…but that’s ok. Actually no it isn’t….I’d love to have a margarita right now.
I’m on day two of my field trip. As always things are going super slow. I reached Mundaribura yesterday after a long mucky bumpy truck ride. I set up my tent thinking there were no rooms in the NPA but as it started to rain two rooms magically appeared so I was pretty happy for that. I rained all night and was pretty cool inside the tukal which made for some good sleeping. I had a dream about my MMSE (most serious ex ever) but it really didn’t disturb me like it used to when I would dream of him. Whew

My boss was reminding me that I was up for a break at the end of May but I told him my birthday was in June so I wanted to push it back a little. Wow….breaks come pretty fast here. Time goes pretty fast actually. Tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary in Southern Sudan!!!!!!!!!

I have had a headache for about a week now…it comes and goes and varies in intensity. I think it is just dehydration due to being sick last week. So today I am trying to catch up on all of that water drinking I missed out on. The cool thing is that back in Juba we stopped using the water from the nearby borehole for drinking. (Turns out that someone actually looked at it recently and it was a murky brown color.) (Also people here in Juba are dying from cholera) So now we have a rainwater collector and we treat it with tablets and have been drinking that….so I have been putting the treated water in my Nalgene and my little algae garden at the bottom has since died.  It makes me a little sad because it was like my portable garden. You know how when you want to make sourdough bread you have to keep this mixture in the fridge and do things to make sure it stays the way it is supposed to? Well…apparently neither do I if that is the best description I can come up with…but anyway….I always considered that sourdough jar of stuff like a little pet. Sort of like when I worked in the West Nile lab at UGA testing the mosquito pools from Georgia for West Nile. I had to use green African monkey kidney cells as my cell culture so I always had 4 flasks of this cell line growing in it and I would have to constantly change the media so that the cells would have what they needed to grow. I would then transfer some of these cells into little petri dishes and add the ground up mosquito mix and wait a few days to see if the cells died off unnaturally…which meant that there was something from the mosquito mix killing them…which was usually West Nile….in which case we’d do a test like a pregnancy test and then follow up with a PCR on the DNA and then sequencing the DNA if the PCR came up pos. If the cells were dead after 1 day then that usually meant EEE in which case we would immediately notify our supervisor and he would handle it from there. I was working in a Biolevel 3 lab…which is one step short of a super ultimate dream of mine…which is to at least once in my life suit up in the space suit and venture into level 4 in order to look through a microscope and see the Ebola virus right before my eyes. (My lifelong dreams all seem to be quite risky for some reason….)

note

(if you scan down two blogs you'll see the old blog I wrote but never inserted...i just added it)



Okidoki
I really don’t feel like writing a blog but I’m going out again tomorrow and I know if I don’t write about a few things now, then I will have even more to write when I get back. I got sick the day I was leaving the field..this past Tuesday and thought I had recovered so I went into town for pizza and ice cream Thursday night…worst idea ever…so I was not feeling well yesterday and even today I’m not 100%. It’s pretty hot here and I think maybe I might be a lil missing my friends and fam at home…probably because had I not had to take my break early due to transmission season, I would have been arriving in Savannah today at 5:38pm. So…that’s that. It isn’t a biggie but I have all of this stuff in my day planner like dinner reservations I had made for Mother’s day and my mom’s bday which is the day after Mother’s day. Anyway… I am here because this is transmission season and I actually have the most endemic payam in Southern Sudan…which…if you are keeping up…that’s a pretty big deal.

Anyhow… I went to the field last week for some days. I was in the really endemic area. We have 29 cases there just in April and most all of the people have more than one worm. It is pretty nuts. There is a 3 yr old little girl who had 12 emerging worms when we last saw her, but there were a few which had not yet emerged. To top things off, the community has been unbandaging their worms and cutting them and cutting the wounds to release the puss which has formed because when you cut the worm it dies inside of you and gets infected. So this poor little girl has these infections all over her. We may end up bringing her out of the bush and to a hospital but there are tons of technicalities involved in that so I am not sure yet.





The Chief visited a lot while I was out there. One day he brought a huge pot of fresh ground groundnut paste which is known in America as peanut butter. I didn’t eat too much because for one thing I’m not the hugest fan of peanut butter unless I have syrup to mix it with. (There are a handful of things I am glad to say I acquired from my father.) The census people were in the area counting everyone and I got counted in the Sudan census. I have my little card and everything. :) Anyway..one day the chief brought a goat and we got to eat goat…yum yum

Gnut paste


Ojulu cooking the goat


I went to treat some of the ponds with Abate with my field officer. I was supposed to be teaching him how to do it but I have only done it like twice and that was last year…so I was going step by step and then I was standing in the middle of this pond and realized I had royally confused myself and had no idea what I was doing. At that same instance, Ojulu, the TA who has been moved to my area to work with me, drives up on his motorbike. I had no idea he was going to come out to that village and I was SOOOO happy that he did. He came just at the right moment. So he showed me what I was confused about and we went around and treated all of the unsafe water sources in that area.



We were out at one pond and there was a girl who kept trying to tell me that she had a brother that she wanted me to get married to. She was funny. They had new carvings on their foreheads which are pretty common here and so I showed them my tattoos. They jumped back at first but then were completely fascinated. Also something that is funny is they think that the white on my skin will rub off on theirs. I don’t know how many times I have shaken the hand of someone (usually a teenage girl) and they then look at their hand like they expect the part that touched mine to have white on it. It’s hilarious.



One day we were having a meeting and doing health education with some of the people with worms and all of a sudden I noticed that there were two monkeys in the tree above us. It turned out that they belonged to one of our Area Supervisors. Someone caught them in the woods and gave them to him. I almost bought them for $10 but then I decided I should wait and think about it. The same evening I was putting the rainguard over my tent and I noticed one of the census guys was beating this tiny puppy with a stick trying to chase it away. I called the little puppy to me and mixed up some milk for him and he became my new best friend. We named him Jimmy and he never left our little compound after that. I decided not to get the monkeys because I can’t have them here at the main compound and I don’t think my field officer would take very good care of monkeys but dogs are much easier.





One day we were treating a pond and all of a sudden Ojulu said something in Arabic and then I notice he was leaned over grabbing something on the ground. We were in a really bushy area so I thought he had been bitten by a snake…then all of a sudden he holds up a quail! He hands it to one of the volunteers helping us and then yells and grabs another one! This dude was catching quail out in the bush with his bare hands. No bow and arrow needed! So needless to say, we had quail for dinner! It was awesome :)



Really that is about it….I went around on the back of my field officers motorbike all through the area to go see these people with worms. I listened to my ipod underneath my helmet which made it pretty cool. There were some really awesome sunsets and I ate good food.


I woke up Tuesday morning feeling really bad and ended up throwing up right before the truck came to get me. The truck ride was horrendous and my whole body hurt when I got back to Juba. I went and laid down in one of the big tents but couldn’t get comfortable because it was so freaking hot and I was dripping sweat. I walked out to splash some water on my face and I saw my boss and he asked me how the field was and I ended up telling him I was sick. He totally hooked me up with some oral rehydrating salts which he said was gross so he mixed it with lemonade (which I have been craving) and I laid on the couch watching Seinfeld episodes. I threw up all of my rehydrating stuff he made me…but I drank more the next day and was able to eat again. I’m still not 100% but I have a lot of field work to do so I head out tomorrow morning.
I don’t know how long I’ll be gone...but I’ll be sure to take lots of pics.
Love.

Senseless Census Lock Down Sudan

Happy Earth Day!!!!!!!!!

Everything in Sudan is on lockdown today because of the National Census….which no one really gets because how in the heck are they gonna lock down Darfur right? I know there is a lot I don’t know about Darfur…but you kinda have to feel maybe these guys don’t want things to change there…because REALLY if they did….it seems they could have by now. Priorities….priorities seem to be a nagging problem in lots of issues around the world... There was talk of some unrest but I think that everything is going to be ok. Plus I’m outside of the main part of Juba which is the capital of Southern Sudan. I don’t really think anyone wants to come mess with us because we are Warriors…."Warriors of the Worm."

They actually deemed today a holiday…but really it’s a way to keep people from moving so they can count everyone…I still think we should have the party that I planned and Jessica so eloquently dubbed "the senseless census party.’ Not that anyone ever needs a REASON to party….but having a name for a party makes it more fun…we could all dress up as numbers and count each other. Just a thought…

I’m heading out to the field tomorrow because I have worms popping up all over the place in one of my areas. And by popping up I mean popping from people’s arms and legs ready to spread their seeds. So I need to go treat these ponds in this area so that they can’t spread their seeds…I figured I’ll be gone one to two weeks depending on rain and cases and things like that.

I have my very own business cards now which is pretty exciting…I’ve never had business cards before…being a lab rat and/or working in the restaurant business and all. And I am also getting a UN badge and a Carter Center badge (which I was supposed to arrange to get back at Xmas but slacked on.)

Jessica keeps finding things to laugh at me about. It amuses her that I somehow possess so many items in the color pink…from clothes, to ink pens, to phones, to hard drives, to water bottles, to blankets, to my thermarest…. Then this morning I had my stones lying beside my laptop and she said "are those your rocks?" and I just started laughing and said "yeah…we all have our things right?" I didn’t go into detail about what each of them means or the fact that I charged them by the full moon two nights ago and will keep them with me at all times now… J

Things here are going good. I spent a week out last week and was about ready to either kill myself or my coworker by day -01 of the trip…and by that I mean before we even left the compound. We are splitting up now though so I won’t have to deal with that stress so much anymore.

I have taken a liking to termites. They are best fried up with some hot sauce, garlic, and salt. So far I like the homemade peanut butter (ground nut paste), the local fresh honey, the termites, fresh mangos, and fresh chicken. Good stuff. Oh and they have something exactly like collard greens here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good news:

I found out that some others will be up for break when I am….which is during my birth month/week/day. We are either going here:

Which is an island called Mauritius just east of Madagascar.

Or we are going here:

Which is Zanzibar which I have already planned out should I end up going alone after all...and if I go alone I am going to Mafia for the best diving ever...here:

Or there has been talk of this place:

Which is Reunion Island

And basically I am re-extending an invite to my friends....I am only going to get about 10 days for break and I don’t really expect anyone to be able to come here...but the offer is ever standing. My personal guarantee that you would do nothing but have the time of your life....a goal I try to make possible everytime I hang out with my friends....even if it is not on a remote tropical island in the Indian Ocean.

The super part of this is that I know two of the people want to get certified to scuba dive which means I will have dive buddies for my breaks now! Score! I want to dive and go deep sea fishing while we are out there…and maybe do windsurfing…which I neglected to do in Watamu over Christmas because of a pretty intense hangover the day we were supposed to take lessons. I have heard rumors that they don’t want to shut down the program over Christmas like in the past so we may be stuck here for the holidays. If not then I was thinking Uganda for rafting and some adventurous activities.

A new guy that just came in is planning a trip to Thailand in October…which is when I am up for my contract ending….but if my mom doesn’t back out I am going to Europe to hang with her in England and then maybe drop by Spain. Also Casey just got a job in Japan and leaves in August so obviously I have to plan a trip there which I am thinking will be next year…and Clint is applying for a job in Taiwan so I think next year will be ’Tara Tours Asia.’ Scuba diving, Buddhist Temples, crazy food, elephant riding….I JUST might have a travel bug. I also just bought an underwater housing for my digital camera so that I can take it diving J

What makes me really excited is I just paid off 3 credit cards and I have only 2 more to go. I think I can have them paid off in three months which will be spectacular. The I owe my mom some money and while I am paying her back I will be sticking aside money for flight lessons…and a sep account for grad school or whatever productive my future holds. So if all goes as planned…I will officially start saving money to learn to fly in about 3 months. WHAT!!??! I will one day be able to fly a plane in the sky all by myself. Just thinking about that makes adrenaline pulse through my veins.

As far as grad school….if I had to pick now…I’d say vet school….but then part of me has another idea…

If I could plan what my future would be like I would have to say I’d become a travel writer (and be able to take Linus with me) and get sent on assignments all over the world…let me mention that the 5^th time I attempted Organic Chemistry II and didn’t make higher than a D, I sat down and SERIOUSLY contemplated being a photo-journalist…but I have this damn biohazard tattoo from when I first began college which said, "Tara, don’t stop reaching for your dream." So NOW that I have accomplished said ’dream’ I can do whatever I want without that tattoo being disappointed right? Anyway…so I’d travel around the world being a writer. (sidenote: my psychic told me later in life I’d write a book about something people weren’t really aware of and bring awareness to an big issue.) I would use my extra money to help my mom pay for a ranch in the middle of the country where she could have all the goats she wanted (and I wouldn’t eat them no matter how much I love bbq goat) and this ranch would be so big that even if there was a Wal-mart built across from her property….it’d be so far away from her dwellings that she’d never be affected by it at all. I’d live in a little cottage by the ocean or by a salt water marsh or river somewhere…and I’d have tons of orchids and ferns….and have a koi pond with a platform to do yoga and meditation on everyday. I’d like to have a husband but this is one of those things that I am not going to think about too much over the next year or so since I am here and can’t do anything about that except maybe for a lil positive energy here or there to manifest something in the future.

Since I have come back I have been in the right mind frame here. I am not homesick…I don’t constantly imagine my friends at home having fun without me, I try not to think about Linus too much and just remember that I will see him soon and I don’t think I can leave him for a long period of time ever again. It also makes me think twice about other pets…like how bad I want a chinchilla…the more pets I have, the more tied down I am….well…the more tied down I would be if my mom weren’t awesome and willing to babysit her grandchildren for me. ’Cept my brother has my bird.

I’m gonna say this now. I’m almost afraid to be so content with my life right now. In my life…as I am sure it is probably the same for most ’normal’ people…keeping in mind it is all relative…whenever I feel like I have life by the balls…something kinda big and not so positive happens….so I have this nagging little voice saying "don’t get too cocky Tara because life is in balance…good and bad….and just as you think you have it great…I’m going to come in and knock your world down, leaving you to build it up all over again." Now this voice isn’t very loud…but it is there…and I do hear it from time to time. The thing is…I don’t care if something neg happens to me personally…I just don’t want it to happen to someone I love. I have been trying to think of people I care about and take a few moments to send out positiveness for them…manifest for them…kinda like a prayer I guess but I don’t call it prayer even though I believe in prayer…it just isn’t what I call it…I want everyone to be ok and to be happy and it bothers me when I hear someone isn’t. I guess I’m not quite as selfish as I thought….but I def need to keep working on that. I dunno…. It isn’t a big deal because I don’t dwell on the neg but I felt if I didn’t make a note to explain then the neg would think I was too cocky and then come out for it’s attack. So there you go neg. I have given you your credit…so please stay far away from the people I love. Please. (and me too but if you hafta attack...attack me first.)

So I need to get back to work now….on this Senseless Census day.

ok

I am still not going to post what I wrote while I was in the field last week because I want to go through it and take some parts out for various reasons. I do that sometimes...and save the complete version on my ex hard drive for the future...but some things I don't want to post publically especially after really stressful times with people I work with who make me want to scream.
So I'll post what I wrote later...
I'm ok now..there are a ton of people around coming back from their breaks so I have been able to vent and get some advice. I am trying to go out again Wednesday for maybe 1.5-2 weeks...depends on the rains and stuff though...

I just wanted to say a few things.
The rains have brought this place to life...there are insects everywhere....some really cool ones. It is difficult for me because I want to catch them and put them in my insect collection that I have back at home...the problem is I am no longer purposely killing live creatures...so I can't really catch and kill these cool insects...I'm torn in two directions...my love to have my insect collection full of interesting bugs....and my love for what I believe in and try to live my life by/for.
I'm even finding it difficult to eat meat if I saw it while it was still alive. I bought a chicken the other day in the field and didn't eat it. I let my field officer keep it. If I don't see it before it is killed I'm ok. I really love meat and will die if my brain flips over and makes me unable to enjoy it.

Last night was a full moon and the Buddhist new year depending on where you live and which Buddhism you believe in...it is also my friends favorite holiday being April 20th and all...So I put my stones that I got from Cassadaga out in the moonlight last night to be cleansed/charged. I'd been holding out for that since I got them. I'm pretty excited about that.

I also realized that I outsmarted myself and put my iphoto pics on my pc...which I didn't know I had done...and my ipod is set up for my ibook....so to put everything from my pc on it i was going to have to restore it and I thought I'd lose all of my pics....but I have my pics on my other computer too so I am not going to lose them AND I will acquire tons more music that I have on my pc and that i have on my external hard drive that I got from other TAs.

Also I officially have my own business cards! What!?!??! I'm super stoked about that.

And last but not least....if you see the pics from below you will notice termites....I eat termites now. And I actually really enjoy them. I cook them up with tabasco and salt and garlic and they are better than potato chips...not better than beef jerky...but maybe almost.
:)

pics...words to follow when i feel like telling a story

Day One
April 14 2008
I have typed the first sentence to this entry and deleted it about 5 times now…I’m starting to feel like Doogie Howser. I hear that music in my head now….too bad this screen isn’t that ugly blue screen he had. …I still hear that music. It’s too bad that not only did he turn out gay ie.totally unavailable to me, but also he grew up to look like some deranged psycho killer….the kind that eats their victims.
Anyhow…I’m out in the field in my little tent. I like my little tent. I especially like the fact that there was a mad lightening storm in the distance tonight as I stood outside and bathed in the little wash-up hut. I also like the fact that as I lie here typing this entry there is a dance going on just ahead in the town center. Drums playing, cowhorns blowing, girls chanting their high pitch chant about boys, boys chanting their low chants about their cows….I almost put on my music on my computer when I turned it on and then I realized that would be totally unnecessary tonight.
I have a ton of things to do out in the field and I have a few days short of two weeks before I have to have the Land Rover back to the compound. We are supposed to have the pickup but they let us take the hardtop since the group that drives it is on break right now. It has an air condition…AND an electric wench. SCORE! We had to use the wench today when we got ridiculously bogged down on the way up. We past about 5 other vehicles stuck in the mud…they didn’t have wenches. That is unfortunate.
Back in Juba before I headed out to the field I had two of the busiest days ever. This job is teaching me so much about admin, logistics, and mainly SUPERVISION. If you have a job supervising people and you think it is difficult….then you should come to Southern Sudan and try to supervise people. I have come to realize that my level of patience is pretty much astronomical. I still need some work on it…but I know quite a few people who would have either quit, or beat someone at about this stage in the game

Today I paid $2.50 for two rolls of the roughest (pardon the pun) shittiest toilet paper known to man.

The rains have started now and my shortcut to Mundaribura is pretty much out of order now until November. We used it today, but if one more rain comes then it’s done. Which means 8-10 hours to get there instead of 5.5-6. Fun right?


Next topic
I was thinking today….I have been celibate for 5 months and 11 days. That’s not really important though. Somehow I managed to kiss a drag queen when I was home so not only have I been celibate for 5 months, but my last kiss was a drag queen. I live for the moment. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Carpe Diem!
Day Two: April 15 2008
People always see my pictures and say how “National Geographic” they are…but I wish they could be here at night like again tonight….I am in Mundaribura and the guys are out in the town center singing and beating their drums…I can’t begin to explain how surreal it is to lay down trying to sleep with that being the last thing I hear as I doze off.
Actually right now I am a little sad. I went for short call (to pee) after dinner and when I came back my field officer and driver had already left the compound to walk up to the town center….and of course when I hear singing and dancing I think “PARTY!” and let’s face it….I’m kind of what you would call a “Party Animal” but I missed out on my chance tonight….
Probably for the best though since 3.5 hours of the day today was spent being bogged down….the wench was all tangled up and by the time we got it working the motor for the wench had overheated….then we had some people drive by and try to help us and the starter died….then we fixed that and then finally got unstuck…. That was from before 10am until 1:30pm…..then we got to Mundaribura and had tea but really the first and only meal of the day took place around 8pm. I still don’t understand why I’m not losing weight faster here.
I have a lot of little things to write about but I think I shall save a lot of it for tomorrow. We will be in Tali and staying at a compound that is a bit more comfortable…and I hope to not be quite so tired. I will say this though….the main reason we stopped and stayed in the field last night in Kawari was because we needed to interview a field officer applicant there….one that another field officer has greatly recommended… well the advert for the job opening distinctly says that the applicant must have completed secondary school (or an impressive work record and recommendation) and must have an intermediate fluency in English. Well….the first thing I said to the guy was “so you were a village volunteer with the program for 4 years?” (as I read his letter of application) and he replied, “I am sorry, I speak very little English.” He had no idea what I had just asked him. Applicant one…denied. Apparently he didn’t even write the application letter that I was reading from…my field officer did. The same field officer that didn’t realize he was pouring radiator fluid into his motorbike oil tank instead of oil. Patience…compassion….

Speaking of the above two words….I would think they are both nouns and verbs….but anyway…speaking of them….I have not been meditating like I should and I keep making excuses for it. The Buddhist New Year is approaching on the full moon this month….this will mark a new era for me. I am also going to charge the stones that I bought from Cassadaga on this night in the light of the full moon. I have been holding off for it and I’m pretty excited.

Today after being stuck in the mud I was pretty dirty…my feet were caked in mud because I was wearing my Tevas (Clint I love you and I know what you are thinking) My hair was icky and my face was all oily and icky…..then we got to the NPA in Mundaribura and I took some time to wash my hair while I was washing up…..it still amazes me how much better you feel when you are clean. What would have made me feel worse is if the scorpion which was laying under my skirt that I put on had been stuck to my skirt and then stung me.
I’m in a bed tonight in a tukal…but I kinda wish I were in my personal tent….I feel like it is my little spaceship to this crazy African planet.
April 16 2008
Day 3 in the field has been pretty interesting….I was afraid that if I went to the field a lot that I would end up with the same stories….such as the singing and dancing at night in the town centers and such….but today has produced several new stories…let us begin from the beginning….
Well after my talk yesterday with some AMREF workers about landmines, I became even more aware of them….as you know I have mentioned over and over in my story that this is really the only thing that frightens me here. Seriously too….AK47s, scorpions, spiders, snakes….no biggie…landmines….biggie. So today we loaded up and were going up towards Tindilo Hill which was a huge huge place during the war between the North and the South. There have been two demining organizations in the area working to demine the roads and also set up the stones to warn of where the mines are. A white rock means you are safe, a blue rock means 50/50 where there may be a landmine but it might not be right there beside the road, and a red painted rock means there is a landmine right there. Usually you see the white rock closest to the road and then you may have the red rock beside the white rock which means don’t veer off the road no matter what….if you have a white rock blue rock red rock it means that the road is safe, there is an area off of the road which is probably safe but if you veer too much farther off the road then you will come into minds. So we are heading to this village and we get to a road which veers (I just accidently typed “beers”..you know what’s on my mind.) anyway….the road veered off to the left. Well to the left was a rock that had one side painted blue and one side painted red….we were about to drive right by it….I asked the driver to stop and asked him if he knew what the colors meant. (He isn’t the driver I usually use) He knew what the painted rocks meant and everyone insisted that it was ok to go by it because the landmine was in the middle of the junction where the road split….so…there were recently tire tracks on the road which we needed to go on and up ahead I saw where the road was marked with white rocks on the inside…meaning it was safe…so we continued ahead…I held my breath…and I did not explode. So we drive up to the village and there are rocks EVERYWHERE indicating landmines….there was even an area marked off where the deminers helicopter would come in and land….this was right beside two old run down tanks from the war…. It was absolutely nuts.
I know at this point in time I have done nothing to ease my mom’s worries about me here….but let me just say this….it is a good thing that these rocks are there because that is better than them not being there and us driving off of the road to avoid mud puddles and oncoming trucks. Also they shut off part of a road that we had been using for 4 months and diverted it…why you ask? Because it was full of landmines…I’m assuming antitank landmines because many trucks drove on this road for who knows how long…but the thing about landmines…even if they are antitank landmines….they get old and they can detonate at anytime….so really any landmine is an anti-everything landmine. Anti-me landmine and anti-you landmine.
Before we left this village we spoke with the girl who has her second worm of the year. She gets Guinea Worm every year because she is pretty stubborn and does not use her filter and contaminates the water as well. While we were talking to her I noticed that they were sifting through this huge pile of stuff which I had never seen before. It wasn’t sorghum or ground nuts (peanuts remember?) So I asked my FO what it was and it was white ants!!! Aka TERMITES!! I was like “do they eat those??” And Yaba (I’m going to refer to a coworker as Yaba which means old man in Arabic) picked up a handful and threw them in his mouth. SCORE! I was so excited about this! You see…ever since I was a young girl I have been fascinated by insects…and I have always wanted to eat them….I have watched many tv specials where people are out in remote villages and they eat ants and grasshoppers and termites and roaches…even tarantulas. I found out years ago that there was a place in Washington DC called “The Bug Club” which was a bar/restaurant and they even had burgers made from insects…I was all about it but unfortunately you had to be 18 to go….that and I lived in Georgia and at this point had never even been to Washington DC. So I looked the place up again when I was ‘of age’ and found out that it no longer existed… ::sigh:: So up until this point…the only insects I have ever really eaten were some cheddar flavored meal worms which I bought at a novelty store in Atlanta.
So here I am standing above this huge pile of cooked termites lying out in the sun to dry…..and what did I do? I grabbed a handful and went to town on those suckers. One of the ladies in the village saw how fascinated I was by this and she packed me up some to take along with me! I am going to fry them up with some salt and some hot sauce and eat them with rice. But I have a ton of them so I will actually be able to try them several ways.
Yours truly is now in the African bush feasting on termites.
Thursday
April 17 2008
Yesterday we travelled to Tali because we have to interview two FO applicants here. We are staying at ZOA again which is by far the nicest compound outside of the one I stay at in Juba.
I found out that another Kawaja was staying at the compound, which always sparks and interest especially outside of Juba. In Juba there are tons of kawajas but not so much out in the field. So this morning I took tea and was walking up to the main tukal where my computer was charging and I met Svinn. Like Finn with an S in front of it. He is from Holland and has this poof of hair on his head like some old school Bob Dylan ‘do. He is a photographer here working with AMREF on a project that they are doing. Nice guy, he seems like he’d be fun to hang out with.
It’s funny because Yaba drives me nuts so bad that anytime I am around others I embrace the chance to talk to them and not have to talk to Yaba. So yesterday I talked to the Ugandans a lot more and even some of the Sudanese here. We also brought our hardest working FO here so I was able to talk to him last night.
I had another FO whom I found out had another job right before I went on break…this is in breach of his contract with us but we gave him a chance to quit his other job. So when I got back from break I was given a written signed and stamped letter to prove that he had quit his job which was with the gov’t. My suspicions were that he hadn’t really quit…but whatever…I had a stamped letter by the gov’t saying he had. Well….I got up here yesterday and did some questioning around and 8 people out of 8 told me that not only did he not indeed quit that job but he also has at least one other job. What what? So now I have to deal with that. The crappy part is that Yaba does nothing to supervise these guys and this is his job just as much if not more as mine…I’m supposed to be here supporting these guys and supervising but trying to leave as much to them as possible…but I really can’t leave anything to Yaba. Grrrrr Supervision is one hellacious of a job. I can’t do the fun work because I’m too busy running around doing this crap. Now this afternoon I have to go around to other NGOs because I want to have several people on the list claiming that my FO has these other jobs.
So ….
I started doing pilates yesterday. I am able to charge my computer here with solar power so I can use my DVD….so I need to learn the basics so that when I am in the field without power I will still be able to work out. I have already lost some weight because I haven’t been eating as much and I have cut down on my sugar a lot. I have to get back to my good ole 100-105 pounds because this weight I am at now makes me feel disgusting.

So the other night when I was in Mundaribura I had an interesting conversation over dinner. My FO and Yaba were talking about some recent disturbances in our area. Apparently a guy from the Dinka tribe came down to the Mundaribura tribe and killed some people. The brother of one of the guys who was killed knew who some of the Dinka was so he took it upon himself to go up north of here and he went to the Chief’s home and the Chief welcomed him in and the guy opened fire killing the Chief, his wives, and his children…a total of 6 people. Then he went back down to where he is from and warned his area of what was going on and so up on Tindilo Hill they beat the drums to signal fighting and so the guys went on standby and supposedly they are all out waiting in the woods for the Dinka to come back to fight since the guy had killed the Chief of that village. This is all about cattle raiding….these people are notorious for starting fights and murdering people and whole villages over stolen cattle. Now this story I am telling was told to me by Sudanese and so I can’t claim how accurate it is…but based upon other things that go on and have gone on in other areas….it sounds pretty commonplace for such things to occur. I was told that these people still have RPGs. Some from the war and some dealt under the table by government officials. “Government officials” you ask? Well supposedly the North is willing to help fund these under the table weapons deals and trades because this will pretty much make certain that Southern Sudan will not remain so peaceful as they are trying to do and as the CPA calls for. The less stable Southern Sudan is, the less chance they actually are able to succeed in 2011 when the election to succeed is supposed to take place.

Another thing that recently happened that is so unfortunate is this lady who worked at the NPA compound that we stay at in Mundaribura…she has a few children but she had one who was about 2 years old and he was sick back at the beginning of the year and she took him to the hospital in Juba. I think he had malaria. Then she brought him back up to Mundaribura and he got really sick again but she did not take him to Juba. He ended up dying just a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t know this when I saw her the other day and I told her hello and asked her how she was in Arabic and I could tell she wasn’t the same…she seemed like she had aged a lot in the last month since I had seen her. That is when my FO told me about her child dying. What adds to this is the fact that the NPA shut down the compound in February and she lost her job. My FO said that he helped her buy some tea and coffee for when the people came to pay condolences….and people came just to drink the tea and coffee and offered her nothing. He helped her dig the hole for the burial. I learned that someone who is not married cannot dig a hole for burial because if they do then when they get married and have children, their children will die. Crazy eh?

Well today has gotten even more interesting than just the fact that I found out one of my FOs has lied…
So this morning we had the FO interviews for a new FO in the area where I sacked the other guy. I thought we had a really good candidate and so I wanted to double check on him by going to speak to the two people who he listed as his references. The first guy isn’t in town anymore and we were unable to track down the second guy but will try again tomorrow…anyhow…the first thing when I get back to the compound one of my other FOs comes to me and tells me that he has just learned that the applicant, let’s call him William, was involved in a fight last night and beat a guy badly and the guy had to be taken to the health center. So now what do I do? The two FOs here try to tell me the story that they have heard which is basically that some family issues had occurred while William was out of town and when he got back to town the guy causing trouble while he was away heard that William was angry and so the other guy goes to Williams house twice and the second time he beats William with a bamboo cane, at which point William defends himself by beating the other guy with a bamboo stick as well…and the other guy ended up with a swollen bloody face and was taken to the health center. Well I wanted to hear both sides of the story and so I went to the health center to talk to the other guy. …However he had been released as an outpatient and it just so happens that the local jail is right beside the health center so I went to the jail and there was William hanging out on the porch. I went in and talked to a guy who had talked to William and the other guy and he confirmed the story that I heard and then told me that William was being held on arrest for 24 hrs. Now…the story was that the other guy went to William and attacked him….William just ended up defending himself…so I asked the guy at the jail why they arrested William if the other guy was the one who started it all and had went to William’s house to beat him….I was told that William made the other guy bleed and that is why he had been arrested. So basically the guy I was going to hire tomorrow and get down to our most endemic village…is sitting at the town jail right now. My two FOs here swear that he is a good guy and does good work…I can’t seem to get them to understand that it is a bad sign when the night before a job interview the applicant gets in a fight, sends a guy to the hospital, and then gets arrested.
Welcome to working in Southern Sudan ladies and Gentlemen….

I treated myself when I got back to the compound and took some of the termites that the old lady ( “babuba” is the word for old lady) in Mundaribura gave me and I fried them up with Tabasco, salt, and garlic. Mmmmmmm!!!! My FO tells me that many people have them during the rainy season so it looks like I will be eating a lot more termites during my time here. I called mama and told her about some of the things happening. She asked me if I was getting things done that I was supposed to get done….NO. I’d like to be getting everything done but right now the universe is stacked against the g worm program in my area. I better get to manifesting so we can get this show on the road. ESPECIALLY if I am about to fire yet another FO. I started out with 6, fired one….I’m trying to hire one to replace him but in the meantime it looks like I’ll be firing another…which means I will have just 4 and then there is the guy who put radiator fluid in his oil tank….yeah….we can probably assume if a third one is going to be sacked that itll prob be this ole chap.

The wonderful thing is my spirits are high. Despite all of this bullshit…everything is ok because I am trudging through it all and just trying to break it down bit by bit…but not letting it break me down in the meantime. I have a week left out in the field before I have to return the Land Rover back to Juba….who knows what lies ahead…..

BTW I just want to say that my boss is …I can’t even begin to explain…I can’t understand how not only has he been doing his job for as long as he has but how he has done such a good job at it and hasn’t lost his mind. The things I deal with is like .0000000000001% compared to the things that he deals with and yet he seems to always have a plan and always maintains composure and control. It’s definitely a source of motivation just to think that if he can do what he does then I should be able to handle my part like it’s a piece of cake.
April 19 2008
Day 6
Today had about been the icing on the cake. Yesterday the lady who runs the compound here where I am staying told me that the acting director of the SSRC in this payam wanted to meet with me and ‘my staff.’ So we went there this morning. The SSRC is a gov’t group who acts as a go between for NGOs and the government of Southern Sudan. The first thing I did when I got this job and started going into the field was to visit the SSRC headquarters in each Payam (that has a SSRC office) and introduce myself and tell them who I work for and what I would be doing. No biggie. I did this in this Payam back in November and they welcomed me and we both agreed we’d see each other around and they said they were there if we needed any assistance. Cool.
So this morning this acting director (new guy) and another new guy are there to meet ‘my staff’ and I. He asked me if I had received his ‘letter’ yesterday. I said, “letter?” He said, “Yes the letter I sent to you yesterday.” (I knew damn well what he meant but I am a stubborn ass so I said, “Oh I got a message but not a letter…was there a letter?” to which he replied, “Yes I sent a letter by way of spoken message.” (Oh…ok..yeah dude…I received your letter by way of spoken message….remind me to send more letters that way…it’s cheaper than stamps.) Anyway he first asked me how long I had been working in Sudan and I told him 5.5 months. He asked me how long I have been coming up to this place and I told him 5.5 months. He then accused me of acting illegally because I have not been informing them of my activities here and I had not introduced myself to them. I said,”I first came here in mid November and the very first thing I did was come to this office and meet each of the staff here.” (Bam in your face) So he questions this and my field officers all have my back and tell him that I did indeed go there and they even listed off the names of all of the SSRC officials that I had met. Then the guy tells me that every time I come to this area and I guess any area for that matter that I am supposed to go by their office and inform them of my activities and not only that but he was upset that I had conducted interviews for a new field officer without informing them because they not only need to be there but they need to have a say in our selection….they want copies of the job opening announcement and all kinds of stuff. He kept on and on about the fact that I haven’t been keeping them up to date with my ‘activities’ and kept throwing out ‘the Carter Center’ left and right so I took a moment to say, “Please when we discuss this program it is called the Southern Sudan Guinea Worm Eradication Program and it is in combine cooperation with the Carter Center and the Ministry of Health for the Government of Southern Sudan…it is a joint program and not just the Carter Center.” They told me they didn’t have a problem with me (well thanks…I’m here trying to eradicate a disease causing your people to suffer) I told him thank you and reiterated the fact that I was told none of this when I was here in November and so there was no way of knowing these rules that they have. Oh and then they said they have to use our truck for the census because anyone who has a vehicle has to allow the gov’t to use if for the census. Basically I have a feeling that all of this stems from the fact that they had hired my FO to work for them and I found out and he had to resign….which I am sure they weren’t happy about. But we have decided to move this FO down to the place where I fired the other FO which basically means if he was having these other jobs, he won’t be any longer because he won’t even be in the same county….also which I am sure doesn’t make them too happy…even though apparently they must have some kind of say in this matter…so I wouldn’t be surprised if they try to say he can’t relocate there….
Basically I am going to keep my mouth shut until I go back and speak to my 2 bosses, the one for TCC and the one for the MOH. Because when you deal with the gov’t of an underdeveloped country…there is a delicate way to handle things…and me being a little white girl from South Georgia (the state, not the country)…..well this isn’t something I am going to waste my time on…..I have a worm to fight.

I had my meeting with two of my field officers and Yaba of course does nothing to help support me so I end up being the total bitch but if I am not like I am then nothing will get done…I know this because I tried being nice and nothing got done so I am stepping it up little by little until they take me seriously. I have been getting pressure from the office about data that my state is lacking and asked why I am paying these guys if I am not getting the work out of them so today I told them that I will withhold the next months salary unless I get this list of data completed from them. Yaba freaks out about this….I’m not sure why he works for the program since he doesn’t give a rats ass about getting things done. The fo’s are also upset but I told them every other fo in Southern Sudan is getting this data and has been doing so much more so than they have so there is no reason they can’t do it. I then shared with them the tables and reports that I have to also submit monthly which rely on them doing their part as well….and the fact that I have to do all of that on top of supervising them which obviously is a hell of a lot of work and stress. Anyway…..we are withholding the salary of the fo that ruined bike number 2 by putting radiator fluid in the oil tank and my fo’s have this money trading thing they do where each month it is a different fo’s turn and all the other fo’s donate part of their salary to the one whose turn it is. All of this is done outside of the program and I have nothing to do with it and I let them be aware of this the very first time I found out about it because it just sounds like a bad idea. So my good fo is about to go see his family on break and he was expecting this money from the guy whose salary we had to withhold so now he is short money that he was going to use to give to his family on his break and he got upset. Well Yaba says, “What!? Why are you withholding this mans money?” I said, “Yaba you signed the warning letter which stated we were withholding his salary…maybe you should read things before you sign them since you are a supervisor for these guys.” He was upset and I was like, “maybe next time you’ll read something before you sign it.” Then the fo’s were asking about their per diem for March. I was off contract in March and therefore had nothing to do with the program ESPECIALLY being responsible for money. I had told Yaba this several times before I left for break and I had explained the per diem process to him for the 100th time. Well today he tells me, “I got their calendars and it is your responsibility to pay these guys their per diem.” I said “no it is not, I was not working for TCC in March I was off contract and therefore not responsible.” He said “You should have told me this.” I said “I did tell you, I told you many times but just like with everything else I tell you, you did not listen to a word I said.” Man….. I have had it with this guy. Supervising people is difficult, supervising people in Southern Sudan where the upbringing and culture is like night and day from what I am accustomed to is even more difficult….supervising these guys while working with someone who not only doesn’t supervise and do his job but sides with the people he is supposed to be standing up to is nearly impossibly and absolutely maddening as all hell.” My boss said it is best I go to Juba and get some things cleared before heading out again. I just feel like everything I may do that could be positive for the eradication program is being set back by the actions of this man…..and my goal is very simple…there is this worm that lives in the water and you can stop the transmission of it by making sure everyone has and uses their filters, make sure people with the worm stay out of the water, and treating applicable water sources with pesticide just in case the community doesn’t follow the first two steps….it sounds so easy…and it could be so easy…if everyone would work together to do their part…..and be honest and hardworking…because in the end it is a damn hard job….for everyone.
My stress has carried over into my sleep at night. If I am not dreaming about work then I am having some other dream in which there is something wrong such as friends having cancer…I really need to meditate about three times a day if possible. My head needs to be cleared. I have to accept that I can only do this piece by piece.

from the bush

This time when I left America heading back to Sudan Casey gave me another CD that he had made me. When I first listened to it on the plane taking off from Savannah, I had tears pouring down my face. It was such a beautiful CD…with such beautiful songs. The CD that he made me the first time I heading over to Sudan was also very good. I listened to it all of the time, sometimes several times in one day. This CD is different though. It was as if he knew just what point in my ‘journey’ I was on and picked songs that spoke directly to that way of thinking, living, and loving. I was tempted to list out the songs but I think I am supposed to keep that to myself. It would cheapen it to list the titles because even if you look up the songs and read the lyrics, it would in no way compare to how I feel when I listen to the CD….it is perfect. (Thank you for being so beautiful Casey, and thank you for being there.)

On a more every day human level…. Things in Sudan are kicking! We have guinea worm popping up…and by popping up I mean there was 7 cases in one area in March and I went there and road around with my field officer on the motorbike to look at those cases, and we found 4 new cases! This area is going to be nuts this year. The old field officer didn’t do his job last year and so the area is pretty bad off. Still not as bad as some places in Southern Sudan, but so far the worst place in my state.
We put a new tukal for the field officer that we moved there. It is NICE! The living tukal is a nice size and there is a tukal for a kitchen, a latrine, a storage tukal, and even the wash-up hut is really nice. I was pretty excited when I saw it. I wish I could live there by myself for a year. …well it’d be nice if there were a few more trees…but it would be really cool to live there. The field officer has a bed but he slept outside on it and I slept inside on a bamboo mat with my therma-rest mattress on top of that. There is something about lying on a handmade bamboo mat in a mud hut reading by the light of a kerosene lamp. I REALLY think it’d be cool if my best friends came over and we lived like that for a year or so.
I got there Thursday afternoon and just met with the field officer. They need a lot of supervision but I try to take the friend route as much as I can….I am going to crack down for sure…and I am not going to allow them to do wrong and get away with it…but they haven’t had much supervision so I am starting from scratch and trying to see how they react and then I will know how to go about things. Right now I need them to work hard but if I piss them off that isn’t going to help anyone.
Anyway….we woke up early Thursday morning and road around to the houses where we knew there were worms and we ended up finding out that there were even more worms. We did a ton of health education with the people with worms and anyone nearby. Apparently everyone in this village thinks that guinea worm comes from eating this animal they call “lojamane” which is a ‘small fox like animal.” Needless to say…we have a lot of work to do in this area.
My field officer there does not know how to cook…..which I learned after we put on a pot of rice…and yes I do realize that I should know how to cook rice over a fire by now…but so far it isn’t something that I have personally had to do. I either cook something else or someone else cooks it….so he and I managed to cook the absolute worst pot of rice ever. Even he was laughing at it calling it porridge. But he said, “It is good! It is food and we can eat it. It is good! We can practice until we learn.” So there you go. I promised him I’d learn how and the next time I go there I will teach him how to cook rice. I have my little dragonfly camping stove though…or butterfly stove….grasshopper stove…I think it is dragonfly but to me it should be grasshopper…..anyhow….I had that and I also carry easy to cook emergency food for times when there isn’t a lady to pay to cook or in case my field officer doesn’t know how to cook rice…so for lunch I cooked up some tuna and then added ramen.
I constantly get asked if I am married and no one understands how I cannot be married…jesus christ I am 26 years old!….I think after that meal my field officer understood why this girl doesn’t have a husband. Heh I kept trying to explain that I’m used to cooking on a ‘real stove’ but what is a real stove to them right? I guess a ‘real woman’ knows how to cook over a ‘real fire.’ Touché Tara touché.

So anyway…we did a lot of work yesterday and then today we had a meeting with some of the area supervisors and village volunteers so while I was waiting on them to arrive I laid on my little bamboo mat reading my book and I was completely content.

On the way back to Juba today I was listening to …the cd Casey made me of course…and thinking and this is what I was thinking about… Casey has applied to go teach English in Japan in the fall. Clint has applied to teach English in Taiwan in the fall. Zach is moving to Oregon, Beth to New York, and Robin wants to move to a beautiful Spanish speaking country somewhere…. These people are all part of a beautiful group of individuals I like to call my friends. Now…initially I would think that all of this movement out of town would make me sad because that many people will be gone when I go home….but in fact….I couldn’t be happier and I hope they get out and do their thing and everything works out beautifully. But even on a more selfish note…and let’s be completely honest with ourselves….or rather….let me be completely honest with MYself. I am a selfish person…so I admit that and I am admitting that I am selfishly happy because if they are not home while I am here…then that is that many fewer people that add to that collective small group of amazing friends that I have, that I will miss. Instead of thinking of them all together seeing each other and having fun and me missing out on that….I can sort of realize that other people have moved away and so it isn’t the same back home anyway and what I am indeed missing is more of an era than an actual reality. With that said, there will still be a group of very special people near and dear to me which will still comprise my group of friends at home, keeping my home still my home because what is a home without people that you love? So I think that will make everything feel better to me…not that I have had any issues since I got back. I have been fine. You kind of get used to the fact that your life stops and everything at home keeps on going.
I guess also…when I go home it will be even more a turning point in my life…maybe when I have to actually grow up and do the whole…well…nevermind…I’m not going to even talk about going home….I’m ok here right now despite how crazy that may seem to someone who isn’t here right now.
I have just been talking with my mom as I write this and she said that when I was home I seemed more peaceful than I have in years, and more joyful. That is good. I was questioning the reality of my ‘peace’ before I went home…worried that it was all just my brain faking me out so that I didn’t have a nervous breakdown here…
But I guess it’s real.
I do know that this time when I came to Sudan I came in a much better frame of mind. More of a ‘I have a job to do…a mission to accomplish” and not so much “I have a broken heart, wah wah wah wah blah blah blah…meaningless self pity.” There is that ‘self’ again…it’s all about me. I have to work on that for sure.
Anyway…I’m back in Sudan and there are worms popping up in my villages…not so good…but fun….I have been waiting for this since I got here over 5 months ago. Wow…5 months have passed already.
I hope to leave for the field again tomorrow but I may be stuck here until Monday. If I go it looks like I’ll be gone for maybe two weeks. I should have plenty of pics and stories when I return.
Here are some from this last trip:
The tukal for the field officer


Storage container for program supplies


Shower


Pit latrine


Kitchen (needs to be mudded in)






Ramen and tuna


Borehole








Health education to a person with guinea worm